Dharma Dreams
My latest Joyful Mind teaching has been abstract in a
good way. :)
Practicing this teaching has been very fulfilling so far, even though the contemplation it has lead to is difficult to express in words. Over the last month, I have spent an hour a day in meditation. I am not currently worried about whether I am doing it right, or benefiting from it. I sit cross-legged with my eyes closed and breathe in and out, taking in the silence. My mind is distracted with thoughts, sometimes many pouring out at once. There are thoughts about my job, my immediate goals, concerns about the future, conversations with friends and family that occupy my mind. I find myself replaying conversations I had had recently, or re-imagining how else they could have gone, or fantasizing about future conversations I will have with people over an endless list of topics.
Over time, I realized that these thoughts fade away in a few minutes and I experience a feeling of calm. At first, I found this state of calmness in itself distracting. It would compel me to think about what it feels like to feel nothing. And this would give rise to a second wave of thoughts . But, lately, I have found that I am able to put aside thoughts about thoughts and experience the absence of contemplation at least for a few minutes. This is the part that I find difficult to express. Each time I have tried to express what I feel when I empty my mind of thoughts, I find it difficult to get back to this state the next day while meditating. I have decided therefore to defer all explanations for when I am able to meditate better, except to say that this has been enriching so far. I am eager to take lessons and practice it the right way eventually.
Coming back to the teaching and commentary, I don’t know what it means to regard all dharma as dreams in relation to meditation yet. I have however had some thoughts about what it means in terms of how I handle my relationships with people. If all intense or overpowering feelings such as love, hatred, joy and anger are fluid, like a passing memory and are a creation of one's mind, I cannot dwell on those feelings and let them guide my actions or behavior. Likewise, I can’t bind the person I feel those emotions towards to acknowledge them and reciprocate appropriately. All this seems to point towards compassion and openness and taking things with less seriousness. Did I nail it in theory?
However, strong emotions are addictive. I find that I am easily affected by the events and people around me. I am trying to bring the teaching to mind whenever I feel overpowering emotions. I am less disappointed by lack of reciprocation and certainly feel calmer, less assertive and more amenable. But again, I have my mood swings and the teachings come crashing down (like my angry outburst at mom today morning for calling me four times consecutively on my cell and home phones within 5 minutes, when I was watching Battlestar Gallactica. :) Love you mom.).
"Baby" steps? :)
Slogan:
Regard all dharmas as dreams.
Commentary:
Whatever you experience in your life—pain, pleasure, heat, cold or anything else—is like something happening in a dream. Although you might think things are very solid, they are like passing memory. You can experience this open, unfixated quality in sitting meditation; all that arises in your mind—hate, love and all the rest—is not solid. Although the experience can get extremely vivid, it is just a product of your mind. Nothing solid is really happening.
Practicing this teaching has been very fulfilling so far, even though the contemplation it has lead to is difficult to express in words. Over the last month, I have spent an hour a day in meditation. I am not currently worried about whether I am doing it right, or benefiting from it. I sit cross-legged with my eyes closed and breathe in and out, taking in the silence. My mind is distracted with thoughts, sometimes many pouring out at once. There are thoughts about my job, my immediate goals, concerns about the future, conversations with friends and family that occupy my mind. I find myself replaying conversations I had had recently, or re-imagining how else they could have gone, or fantasizing about future conversations I will have with people over an endless list of topics.
Over time, I realized that these thoughts fade away in a few minutes and I experience a feeling of calm. At first, I found this state of calmness in itself distracting. It would compel me to think about what it feels like to feel nothing. And this would give rise to a second wave of thoughts . But, lately, I have found that I am able to put aside thoughts about thoughts and experience the absence of contemplation at least for a few minutes. This is the part that I find difficult to express. Each time I have tried to express what I feel when I empty my mind of thoughts, I find it difficult to get back to this state the next day while meditating. I have decided therefore to defer all explanations for when I am able to meditate better, except to say that this has been enriching so far. I am eager to take lessons and practice it the right way eventually.
Coming back to the teaching and commentary, I don’t know what it means to regard all dharma as dreams in relation to meditation yet. I have however had some thoughts about what it means in terms of how I handle my relationships with people. If all intense or overpowering feelings such as love, hatred, joy and anger are fluid, like a passing memory and are a creation of one's mind, I cannot dwell on those feelings and let them guide my actions or behavior. Likewise, I can’t bind the person I feel those emotions towards to acknowledge them and reciprocate appropriately. All this seems to point towards compassion and openness and taking things with less seriousness. Did I nail it in theory?
However, strong emotions are addictive. I find that I am easily affected by the events and people around me. I am trying to bring the teaching to mind whenever I feel overpowering emotions. I am less disappointed by lack of reciprocation and certainly feel calmer, less assertive and more amenable. But again, I have my mood swings and the teachings come crashing down (like my angry outburst at mom today morning for calling me four times consecutively on my cell and home phones within 5 minutes, when I was watching Battlestar Gallactica. :) Love you mom.).
"Baby" steps? :)
