MMX
I had the privilege of spending this year in absolute
freedom. I haven't however taken the time to be
thankful for this utterly selfish existence, and
acknowledge the new friends I have made, the friends
who have remained and the friends I have lost. I
am glad I opened up to loved ones and found favor. I
am glad also to have learnt to trust those I love.
This year has been a saccharine year.
Until recently, my life felt like a cauldron simmering with anticipation, not of good times, but of the next act in a suspenseful avant-garde play. Regardless of what was going to happen, that very moment felt like it was threatening to boil over. The moments that had gone by had produced many potions, some that had horrific consequences and some inspiring feelings of wonder and delight.
With every horrific consequence, I had to relearn the act of gathering myself and going back to the cauldron to pour in more hope, more heart, and more soul to discard some venom, some blood, and some brain. It was not the potion that I looked forward to, but the smoke that rose like a spirit and filled my senses and fogged my thoughts. And when it faded, I hoped that it will have consumed all the horror and left behind a wonderful dream.
My life has been enviable for some years now and I have only consumed wondrous potions. It has shaped in ways that I couldn't have imagined. It has masked the unspeakable, even though I see it peeking sometimes when I get anxious, and can feel its spirit around me. The past is always lurking and reaching for my present. It is in the now as much as it will be in the the future, and that is the only thing I know will remain for certain, while it is the only thing I know for certain must not remain. But until then every present day is like a rehearsal for every future day which brings with it unknown joys and fears. I have learnt to rein in my fears, and take comfort in what is known even though I can never be certain that the worst is over.
Now when I hide, I have kindred spirits hiding with me and that is good enough. If only I could throw the beasts in the cauldron, and watch the smoke rise and fade, and take away the potions that have horrific consequences. But since that is not to be, I hope not to get consumed in that thought, and my kindred spirits help me with that.
This year, there have been instances when I was caught up in uncertainty and feeling like I was losing perspective. I spent a lot of time learning and unlearning things, and assimilating changes somewhat gainfully.On a professional front, I am learning to go with my gut, but quietly. On a personal front, I am learning to make sustainable choices, but openly. These have been hard lessons, but none as hard as the lessons I have had to learn in the previous years.
I hope the coming year is one that I will spend thinking ideationally, favoring abstraction and emotion over logic and rationality. I hope yours in spent thinking whichever way you like, and doing whatever you want. I hope more than ever that we are each not the fear that the other is hiding from. Happy New Year!
(I am drawing the Angel Cards tomorrow. Let me know if you want one)
Until recently, my life felt like a cauldron simmering with anticipation, not of good times, but of the next act in a suspenseful avant-garde play. Regardless of what was going to happen, that very moment felt like it was threatening to boil over. The moments that had gone by had produced many potions, some that had horrific consequences and some inspiring feelings of wonder and delight.
With every horrific consequence, I had to relearn the act of gathering myself and going back to the cauldron to pour in more hope, more heart, and more soul to discard some venom, some blood, and some brain. It was not the potion that I looked forward to, but the smoke that rose like a spirit and filled my senses and fogged my thoughts. And when it faded, I hoped that it will have consumed all the horror and left behind a wonderful dream.
My life has been enviable for some years now and I have only consumed wondrous potions. It has shaped in ways that I couldn't have imagined. It has masked the unspeakable, even though I see it peeking sometimes when I get anxious, and can feel its spirit around me. The past is always lurking and reaching for my present. It is in the now as much as it will be in the the future, and that is the only thing I know will remain for certain, while it is the only thing I know for certain must not remain. But until then every present day is like a rehearsal for every future day which brings with it unknown joys and fears. I have learnt to rein in my fears, and take comfort in what is known even though I can never be certain that the worst is over.
Now when I hide, I have kindred spirits hiding with me and that is good enough. If only I could throw the beasts in the cauldron, and watch the smoke rise and fade, and take away the potions that have horrific consequences. But since that is not to be, I hope not to get consumed in that thought, and my kindred spirits help me with that.
This year, there have been instances when I was caught up in uncertainty and feeling like I was losing perspective. I spent a lot of time learning and unlearning things, and assimilating changes somewhat gainfully.On a professional front, I am learning to go with my gut, but quietly. On a personal front, I am learning to make sustainable choices, but openly. These have been hard lessons, but none as hard as the lessons I have had to learn in the previous years.
I hope the coming year is one that I will spend thinking ideationally, favoring abstraction and emotion over logic and rationality. I hope yours in spent thinking whichever way you like, and doing whatever you want. I hope more than ever that we are each not the fear that the other is hiding from. Happy New Year!
(I am drawing the Angel Cards tomorrow. Let me know if you want one)
