What's on the Other Side of Foreplay?
I am afraid I will keep going off on tangents with
this post. Therefore, I will begin with clarifying
that this is just my musing on my actions and
reactions. There is a sensual side to seeing and
doing, reading and watching, interacting and sharing,
thinking and dreaming... and in my case I think they
all point to my unhealthy interest in myself, in you,
and your excessive interest
in me! :)
Nothing excites me as much as foreplay and persuasion. I am a big sucker for reciprocal action and could be happy giving or taking from an interaction as long as it encourages pleasant afterthought. What I also like is living vicariously through people. I like taking in their experiences and getting into their minds and seeing the world through their unique perspectives. It is something of an exploration of their physical and abstract selves as if I was them, or with them, even if I am only observing them on the quiet. This establishes me as the average voyeur -- the curious majority. As far as I can tell, if you are reading this post, there is a good chance that you are a lot like me in this regard.
One would think that if you take excessive interest in someone else, it is the opposite of narcissism. But, your interest in them has mainly to do with gratifying your own self. Your excitement for them, your empathy and sympathy even have mostly to do with gratifying yourself with that emotion. I speak not only about people, but also about the stories we enjoy and the news we read everyday!
Our narcissism doesn't end with our vicarious living. We also cater to someone else'sz narcissistic interest in us, and in that again lies our own narcissism. The importance of our lives and thoughts lies primarily in what others think of them. Everything we experience is less about going through the experience as we would naturally, and more about how we would present our feelings about it to people.
We take it on ourselves to impart wisdom to the world and make our opinions known as if without our input the world would be deprived of a certain enlightenment. Then there is the other side to us that makes us want to share the mundane. The unremarkable details of our everyday life, our ordinary triumphs and failures take on a role of importance. You end the day not thinking of falling on your bed in utter exhaustion but finding ways to express that exhaustion and how you have fallen on your bed!
I suppose it is okay to see importance in the mundane. What I am worried about is that my mundane is deriving its importance from the interest of others in it, rather than on its own. The things I do don't matter unless I think them tweetable or blogworthy!
Does the fact that I constantly need affirmation for my feelings and actions tell you that I am self-deprecating? Or am I, as a result of all this self-absorption and craving for admiration, being narcissistic!
This self-absorption doesn’t end with voyeurism. Like I said in the beginning, nothing excites me as much as foreplay and persuasion. Let me speak purely in sexual terms before I extend it to other spheres.
Let us say a person obliquely indicates an interest towards you by designing his words with suggestive meaning or using his body language to express the right amount of intimacy. You can tell he is gauging your interest in him behind that cloak of playfulness. His double entendres are even more charming when he lets slip his anticipation of what might happen after this prelude. His intention becomes less devious and his next move more apparent. If you play along, you have become the audience of persuasion.
Let us say the very same person is less flirtatious, but just keenly interested in you. With your best interest at heart, he sets out to impart wisdom through personal stories and promote his opinions on things. This he does while making you feel like he is providing you a captive audience, while at the same time showcasing his astute wisdom. If he has your attention and the conversation lingers, you have become the audience of persuasion.
Now let us say the person does not know you. You watch him on TV as he expresses his opinion on an issue. You are beginning to be discern his point of view and find yourself reacting to it either in approval or disapproval. He has stirred your emotions and created a ruckus in your head. You turn off the television and the discussion still continues to inspire thought. You have become the audience of persuasion.
Seduction is such a deceptive word. People often think it is about sexual desire... what it is is the gratification of your senses, or your ticket to pleasurable emotion. You could be seduced even when you are not the recipient of seduction! For all you know, you could be seduced by looking at someone else being seduced, or watching him dance to a trance unaware of you or the world around him, or even addressing a political concern - a far cry from wanting to be considered desirable! What about it persuades you to keep watching him if not for that you have been seduced!
Now to think of seduction and foreplay in broad terms. Let us say you have gone off into your cocoon of random thoughts. You could be keeping yourself amused by reliving an experience you just had, analyzing a news story you just read, fostering an idea you came upon, or dreaming about a hypothetical date you’re your infatuation. If you catch yourself smiling as your mind drifts away, or admiring your chain of thought... you have become the audience of your own persuasion...
Isn't it true that everything we enjoy doing could arouse sensual desires if not sexual?
I think about why we clink our wine glasses before we drink. It is said that tasting wine involves four of the five senses. You hold the glass of wine in your hand, appreciate the color and the finish of both the glass and the wine, savor its aroma and taste the many layers of flavor. When you clink the wine glasses as you make a toast, you include the fifth missing sense - hearing. Now say you swirl the glass and let it breathe, and the wine gets better with each sip, isn't it a bit like foreplay? The only difference perhaps is while we can have wine in a crowd by engaging all five senses, I highly doubt that group foreplay will ever be morally acceptable! :)
Still if you have a story to tell, an opinion to share, a perspective to promote, a product to sell, an idea to hash out, you are in essence (intentionally or otherwise) flirting with your audience. And while artists, storytellers, columnists, op-ed writers, critics, editorial cartoonists, commentators and opinion journalists are infatuated with their conception, you are their unwitting muse... until you find yourself persuaded or seduced!
Nothing excites me as much as foreplay and persuasion. I am a big sucker for reciprocal action and could be happy giving or taking from an interaction as long as it encourages pleasant afterthought. What I also like is living vicariously through people. I like taking in their experiences and getting into their minds and seeing the world through their unique perspectives. It is something of an exploration of their physical and abstract selves as if I was them, or with them, even if I am only observing them on the quiet. This establishes me as the average voyeur -- the curious majority. As far as I can tell, if you are reading this post, there is a good chance that you are a lot like me in this regard.
One would think that if you take excessive interest in someone else, it is the opposite of narcissism. But, your interest in them has mainly to do with gratifying your own self. Your excitement for them, your empathy and sympathy even have mostly to do with gratifying yourself with that emotion. I speak not only about people, but also about the stories we enjoy and the news we read everyday!
Our narcissism doesn't end with our vicarious living. We also cater to someone else'sz narcissistic interest in us, and in that again lies our own narcissism. The importance of our lives and thoughts lies primarily in what others think of them. Everything we experience is less about going through the experience as we would naturally, and more about how we would present our feelings about it to people.
We take it on ourselves to impart wisdom to the world and make our opinions known as if without our input the world would be deprived of a certain enlightenment. Then there is the other side to us that makes us want to share the mundane. The unremarkable details of our everyday life, our ordinary triumphs and failures take on a role of importance. You end the day not thinking of falling on your bed in utter exhaustion but finding ways to express that exhaustion and how you have fallen on your bed!
I suppose it is okay to see importance in the mundane. What I am worried about is that my mundane is deriving its importance from the interest of others in it, rather than on its own. The things I do don't matter unless I think them tweetable or blogworthy!
Does the fact that I constantly need affirmation for my feelings and actions tell you that I am self-deprecating? Or am I, as a result of all this self-absorption and craving for admiration, being narcissistic!
This self-absorption doesn’t end with voyeurism. Like I said in the beginning, nothing excites me as much as foreplay and persuasion. Let me speak purely in sexual terms before I extend it to other spheres.
Let us say a person obliquely indicates an interest towards you by designing his words with suggestive meaning or using his body language to express the right amount of intimacy. You can tell he is gauging your interest in him behind that cloak of playfulness. His double entendres are even more charming when he lets slip his anticipation of what might happen after this prelude. His intention becomes less devious and his next move more apparent. If you play along, you have become the audience of persuasion.
Let us say the very same person is less flirtatious, but just keenly interested in you. With your best interest at heart, he sets out to impart wisdom through personal stories and promote his opinions on things. This he does while making you feel like he is providing you a captive audience, while at the same time showcasing his astute wisdom. If he has your attention and the conversation lingers, you have become the audience of persuasion.
Now let us say the person does not know you. You watch him on TV as he expresses his opinion on an issue. You are beginning to be discern his point of view and find yourself reacting to it either in approval or disapproval. He has stirred your emotions and created a ruckus in your head. You turn off the television and the discussion still continues to inspire thought. You have become the audience of persuasion.
Seduction is such a deceptive word. People often think it is about sexual desire... what it is is the gratification of your senses, or your ticket to pleasurable emotion. You could be seduced even when you are not the recipient of seduction! For all you know, you could be seduced by looking at someone else being seduced, or watching him dance to a trance unaware of you or the world around him, or even addressing a political concern - a far cry from wanting to be considered desirable! What about it persuades you to keep watching him if not for that you have been seduced!
Now to think of seduction and foreplay in broad terms. Let us say you have gone off into your cocoon of random thoughts. You could be keeping yourself amused by reliving an experience you just had, analyzing a news story you just read, fostering an idea you came upon, or dreaming about a hypothetical date you’re your infatuation. If you catch yourself smiling as your mind drifts away, or admiring your chain of thought... you have become the audience of your own persuasion...
Isn't it true that everything we enjoy doing could arouse sensual desires if not sexual?
I think about why we clink our wine glasses before we drink. It is said that tasting wine involves four of the five senses. You hold the glass of wine in your hand, appreciate the color and the finish of both the glass and the wine, savor its aroma and taste the many layers of flavor. When you clink the wine glasses as you make a toast, you include the fifth missing sense - hearing. Now say you swirl the glass and let it breathe, and the wine gets better with each sip, isn't it a bit like foreplay? The only difference perhaps is while we can have wine in a crowd by engaging all five senses, I highly doubt that group foreplay will ever be morally acceptable! :)
Still if you have a story to tell, an opinion to share, a perspective to promote, a product to sell, an idea to hash out, you are in essence (intentionally or otherwise) flirting with your audience. And while artists, storytellers, columnists, op-ed writers, critics, editorial cartoonists, commentators and opinion journalists are infatuated with their conception, you are their unwitting muse... until you find yourself persuaded or seduced!
