Love and Longing
From my living room, I see a female brown northern
cardinal hopping behind a male red cardinal from the
right of the balcony to the left. I have lost sight
of them. Now the male red cardinal is hopping behind
the female brown cardinal. The female is undecided on
which way to go. They are gone!
The place we are moving to in a month's time will have no balcony. I can't sit out in the sun or in the rain and complain about the wind playing havoc with the pages in my book; I won't have to juggle a drink in hand and a laptop in another. There will be no view of tall coniferous trees.. of birds on snowy branches, of deer walking in the woods, of geese running on the grass, of little brown rabbits or black rascaly squirrels. There will be no kids sliding in their little sledges, rolling on the ground, laughing and throwing snow balls at each other.
I am skimming through old pictures taken from my balcony. There are several blurry ones of birds that visited my balcony, of butterflies and cicadas, of spider webs and ants under dry leaves. All failed attempts at capturing nature in action. Now I have a lingering knot in my stomach. What am I trading all this for?
We are moving two blocks away, to a bigger apartment. I am trading the bad over here for the good over there. But, what about everything that I have come to love about this little nature haven? How do I let go of them?
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Even after six years, the novelty of orange cauliflowers, purple peppers and scarlet red cabbages hasn't worn off. The variety of greens from peppery to mild; of herbs from earthy to woodsy; of edible flowers sweet and sour; of stems raw and baked; of crunchy seeds and nuts draw me towards them, absolutely and irresistibly. I fail miserably at using them the right way, and then sometimes I get it so right, it makes all the trialing worth it.
I love going to the farmers markets. You are right where all the food action is taking place. It's delightful how they arrange the veggies, like little attractive bouquets spread all over the counter. When I saw a counter full of tomatoes of all different sizes and shapes, from the big wild green ones with red stripes to the tiny sweet ones that you can pop into your mouth, I was delirious.
I didn't know shrimp came in so many colors. That there are ones as big as lobsters, and as small as bumblebees.
I take pleasure in knowing that these will stay with me.
-----------------
I am listening to songs that make me feel like I have fallen in love with someone I am about to lose. I have been through this feeling before. The pounding of the heart, the feeling of ecstasy, of giving in, and letting go. I am looking up how to get over a break up, like it is a person I am about to miss. I have dreams for the new place. I have paintings I want on hang on the wall, and little projects of decoration. I have a vision of how I will live my life, the things I will do differently, the changes I will make to it. It's only two blocks away, but I see it as a fresh start, which looks promising. Why then is it hard for me to leave the old?
-----------------
Blues In the Night - Katie Melua
Corner of Your Heart - Ingrid Michaelson
Lies - Glen Hansard
Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
The Hill - Marketa Irglova
Michael's Muzurka - Childsplay
The place we are moving to in a month's time will have no balcony. I can't sit out in the sun or in the rain and complain about the wind playing havoc with the pages in my book; I won't have to juggle a drink in hand and a laptop in another. There will be no view of tall coniferous trees.. of birds on snowy branches, of deer walking in the woods, of geese running on the grass, of little brown rabbits or black rascaly squirrels. There will be no kids sliding in their little sledges, rolling on the ground, laughing and throwing snow balls at each other.
I am skimming through old pictures taken from my balcony. There are several blurry ones of birds that visited my balcony, of butterflies and cicadas, of spider webs and ants under dry leaves. All failed attempts at capturing nature in action. Now I have a lingering knot in my stomach. What am I trading all this for?
We are moving two blocks away, to a bigger apartment. I am trading the bad over here for the good over there. But, what about everything that I have come to love about this little nature haven? How do I let go of them?
-----------------
Even after six years, the novelty of orange cauliflowers, purple peppers and scarlet red cabbages hasn't worn off. The variety of greens from peppery to mild; of herbs from earthy to woodsy; of edible flowers sweet and sour; of stems raw and baked; of crunchy seeds and nuts draw me towards them, absolutely and irresistibly. I fail miserably at using them the right way, and then sometimes I get it so right, it makes all the trialing worth it.
I love going to the farmers markets. You are right where all the food action is taking place. It's delightful how they arrange the veggies, like little attractive bouquets spread all over the counter. When I saw a counter full of tomatoes of all different sizes and shapes, from the big wild green ones with red stripes to the tiny sweet ones that you can pop into your mouth, I was delirious.
I didn't know shrimp came in so many colors. That there are ones as big as lobsters, and as small as bumblebees.
I take pleasure in knowing that these will stay with me.
-----------------
I am listening to songs that make me feel like I have fallen in love with someone I am about to lose. I have been through this feeling before. The pounding of the heart, the feeling of ecstasy, of giving in, and letting go. I am looking up how to get over a break up, like it is a person I am about to miss. I have dreams for the new place. I have paintings I want on hang on the wall, and little projects of decoration. I have a vision of how I will live my life, the things I will do differently, the changes I will make to it. It's only two blocks away, but I see it as a fresh start, which looks promising. Why then is it hard for me to leave the old?
-----------------
Love and Longing
Restless - Alison Krauss & Union StationBlues In the Night - Katie Melua
Corner of Your Heart - Ingrid Michaelson
Lies - Glen Hansard
Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
The Hill - Marketa Irglova
Michael's Muzurka - Childsplay
